Thinking. Yup, I just FELT like blogging. My pastime of filling this website with nonsensical, sometimes deep, sometimes dumb, sometimes sad, sometimes happy content. But what's coming next is what you expect a person to blogging on a rainy and overcast day while home alone.
Little windows pop-up, notifying me of my contacts arrival or departure.
I was just thinking thoughts along the lines of love and relationships. It feels like so long ago that I felt deeply in love with someone. It's scary, at first I thought my denial of my need for someone to love was a big drama thing I made up in my mind because I was hurt. My bad for being too flippant when I was younger. But that creep of a feeling has snuck in and effectively made himself at home. The fact that I can't seem to feel relationship type love for any girl, or my unwillingness to enter into a relationship, just plain freaks me out. Maybe the lack of light in this room has clouded my brain. But I guess that during this time of no relationships, I've grown extremely fond of and close to my Lord and Saviour, Jesus. He's never left me. I've always felt His presence near. I think I needed this time of no relationships to get close to Jesus first of all. If I had entered into a relationship without this closeness to Jesus, I may have forgotten Him. But now that I know him so personally, no one could ever take His place. And one day, I know these hurt feelings will go away. That's what I have to believe.
May my heart open once more without fear of being wounded.
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