My Day

Almost every time I go online and spend my monthly one hour on chat, I get asked "What are you up to?", "What did you do today?", or something to that effect. I usually don't know what to say, how many times do my friends want to hear the same damn thing?

I've decided to just summarize my daily activities, so I can avoid the above question. The next time someone asks me about what I did during my day, I might refer them to this post.

My day begins at 5 P.M. (a great time to start any day), and I immediately jump into my spandex suit, throw a pair of underwear on top of my tight pants (which sort of ride up my crotch), adjust my cape, gloves and mask, and jump out the window, ready to save the world. I help old ladies cross the street, save kids from white sugar by stealing it and eating it all, and bring little kittens down from trees (stupid little furballs, climbing up trees they can't get down from, a kid just ran by with a pocketful of gum, lolipops, and other paraphernalia, I won't be able to catch up with him now).

After my long 10 minutes of work, I return home and realize most of the day has already passed, so I fly around the world so fast that time reverses and I now return home at 11 A.M. I eat breakfast, and then go straight to the computer and waste time there until 4 P.M. Then I take care of kids until 5, when I remember I forgot about school. I jump back into my suit, fly around the world, reverse time, and then do school and increase my knowledge for five hours. Afterwards, I practice guitar for an hour, until my neighborhood sends the police to shut me up.

Then I waste time on whatever hobby I feel like doing at the time (reading, upsetting people on the Internet, teaching patience to my family) until bedtime. I sit up staring at my four walls, the moon, any object that catches my fancy, and I ponder probable answers to life's big questions.

When I finally go to sleep and wake up the next evening, I repeat all of the above.

Now if you'll excuse me, some old lady needs help to cross the street, a kitten is caught in a tree, and some fat kid with bulging pockets just ran past me.