I... Am... Obsessed... With... Sleep... 10:24 PM

Ok... It's official. I'm obsessed with sleep. Bri said so, it's true. And... I got to chat with her today!! Yay!! Sleep is wonderful. Sleep is niCe. I love sleep. But I tend to get lazy, so PTL for my parents, who give me my needed kick in the butt. Went witnessing with my cousin Gabe today. I don't like the cold. It makes me more sleepy. I just got out of a little challenge between my dad and my cousin, involving a can of Ruffles Ranch chip dip. The can had to be slid to the edge of the table without falling over. The duel came complete with facial expressions, stunts and moves, and the occasional "Hey, you touched it before it came to the edge!". Movie time soon... Dishes must be done...

11-26-2004 9:01 PM

Seems like everything is disorganized... I'm having a hard time keeping track of things. I feel like just sleeping the whole day. Miguel and Claire (the aforementioned visitors) arrived last night. I know them since Mexico, when I was a kid. It's good to see them again. The night was quite cold, someone turned up the heating and the temperature all changed. I woke up sweaty. Little kids were crowding into my room to see the baby my sis was carrying... Why my room? The baby is real cute and chubby, he's the son of Claire. Tomorrow is Saturday... I could use some real relaxing time. Or maybe I'm lethargic and need a kick in the butt. Can't figure which.

11-25-2004 4:09 PM

A rainy and dark day... There was somewhat of a thunder storm going on. Lightning was flashing, I felt like I was being photographed repeatedly. A few sharp bursts of thunder sounded a little too close to home... I got startled a few times. We're expecting visitors anytime... And today is yet another day of singing practice, preparing for an upcoming show. I need to burn a CD for the show, and clean my room... Man, I feel hungry. There's a promise of good Chinese food today... I feel like I need a nap...

A Thought On Life's Problems... 7:34 PM

I was just thinking back on my life...And I've realized that everything I ever went through only made me stronger. This isn't a revelation for some of you...But it's so true. And now, through anything I may go through in the future, I'll try and keep a smile on my face. I have no reason to give up. I'm almost actually beginning to relish the challenges and problems I face, even though recently I've been missing my old friends a lot (particularly Bri)...And being pelleted with strange new emotions doesn't help...I got to hear the whole TCD 33 through, it's got some pretty deep songs in it...Vas as usual comes up with neat tunes...Can't say much for Emmanuel, he's not really my style. I also got to listen to "My Dream"...I still think Rorie's version is better (yes, I know I'm biased). My cousin is visiting us, there's gonna be a witnessing day tomorrow...I need to go take a shower...

11-15-2004 9:40 PM

Long week of clowning...I feel tired and sapped of strength. People always think I'm a giant clown doll or something...They come up slowly staring at me then jump when I turn to look at them. At least they get a good laugh out of it...There was a guy near to us that was raising funds for a S.O.S suicide hotline thing. He decided to get into social work after two of his best friends killed themselves. The weekend is finally over...Now school will take up my time. Not that I enjoy hearing my brother reading his school lesson: " 'My Pets'... Aunt Killa has a chocolate cookie. She lets it out from it's cage and it flies over to her finger. It hops on my shoulder sometimes. I'm afraid it will nibble my ear." He needs to work on his reading. I miss my past life sometimes. It always seems more fun than the present. But things could be worse and less exciting...So I'm thankful for my life as it is.

11-6-2004 to 11-7-2004 Get Together... 3:31 PM

Alarm clock goes off. It's 7:00 a.m. I hadn't slept very much the night before, so I slept some more. Finally anticipation of the day's events spurred me into wakefulness. We had breakfast and we were off. I spent the ride remembering the good potato soup of yesterday...Arriving at the meeting site two hours later, and after seeing all my friends again, we got into the class. After that was done, we had dinner (was it rotten?). Going back to Marco and Steven's crib, we had got into a lot of useless chit-chat (there was nothing better to do...). Then came talent night. I loved Aurora and Nats' rendition of the song...what's it called ("My Dream")? Anyway, I couldn't contribute to talent night 'cause I didn't feel like it at the time, and my head hurt a little. The night went on...Eric got "depressed" as usual, the girls and some of us were following him around...The rest of the night was...special. Finally bedtime came. I woke up next morning to find that a little white dog was sniffing me, and the guys were near the door laughing. I finally got off my stiff arse, dressed, then headed off to a nearby playground. I was running and didn't notice I was headed to a sign with a little fire hydrant symbol on it. I turned around just in time to throw my hands between my face and the sign, and I escaped with just a scratch, which Philip said "made me look like a street fighter". I came back to the house for some breakfast, and again engaged in light conversation. We all read something together, then decided we would head for a large park to play football. I was tired and a little melancholy at the time, but figured that the fresh air and whatever sunshine I could get would do me good. I found out later we were headed to a park we used to frequent three years ago, so I was eager to see the place again. It looks mostly the same. It brought back so many memories. Life was simpler then. I still remember sliding down the hill in winter with my family and friends, building snowmen and getting into snowball wars. Spring was fresh and alive, we had a few picnics there. Summer was warm and beautiful, and we would walk around the park and collect plants, or simply admire nature in it's pure form. Now it's full of mud. I got my shoes drenched with the stuff. No more bright sunshine, just dark clouds threatening to pour more rain. No laughter and friends, only lonely silence remains. I'm sorry I pushed my friends away when I needed them the most. I guess I'm just too proud to admit I need their help, and I don't want to be a waste of their time...Coming back, they were getting ready for a football game, and urged me to join in. I couldn't. My mind was too full of discouraging thoughts. I even literally felt the blood draining from me. I had no strength left. The ride back to the house was quiet. I never uttered a word. Anyone who knows me knows that that is strange...I'm always talking...I wish I had fought to remain happy, to look on the bright side of things. Why do most get-togethers tend to end with, "If only I had..."The rest of the night happened in the same fashion as the previous, except that we got an excellent meal. A manager of St. Hubert donated some meals to us. After the meal, I went around looking for something to do. After a little discussion with one of my friends, that was the last straw. I know now where I won't go if I want comfort, someone to really understand me, someone to talk to. To feel a sincere hug, or even genuine words of appreciation...It seems I'm just too loud-mouthed and scare most everyone away. I wish to God that I could trust and love my friends. I know I can. But I'm gonna have to work towards that. I need to strive to be what He wants me to be. Lord forgive me for losing it with my friends. I couldn't take it anymore. Kill my bitterness and self-righteousness. Help me to love and accept them as they are. Amen.

2004 First Snow... 9:20 PM

Today the first snow fell (at least that I have been aware of). Ah, winter. Such a melancholy time...I miss the sun and warm weather. We caught a (*snicker*) mistake in a movie today...This girl comes running out with her "baby", which is nothing more than a plastic dolly with a pacifier and everything...And it's supposed to be the first century...I heard from my cousins that they saw a guy parading around the streets in a bikini thong waving a sign or something...Sweet dementia...

Piercing 11:22 PM

Got my ear pierced today. White gold or something of the sort. Looks like silver. My mom wanted the earring to be gold, I wanted silver. We got a mix. I thought it was gonna be a "grit-your-teeth-and-close-your-eyes" process, but it was quick and painless. I hardly felt anything.