Helpless 1:35 AM

I see you standing there
You look so alone
Surrounded by well-meaning victims
Of the life they live for you
How long have you worn that smile?

Imprisoned little tear
Held down with spells of laughter
Silently screaming for release
But who would listen
Who would care?

Our good days are gone
We outran the sun
Take my hand
But just to say goodbye
It's all downhill from here

I'm not going to say
I should have held on a little longer
It takes a stronger man
So take my photo off the wall
I wanted better for you

It happens every night 1:29 AM

He awakens with a start. His eyes dart around cautiously; quickly he throws his hands under his blanket, his limbs becoming tangled in a mess of writhing sheets. "It's gone..." he stammers in confusion while wrestling with the bedsheets, searching for whatever-IT-is.

Clearly my sleep will be disturbed tonight.

No Longer Running 11:43 PM

All these words don't mean a thing to you, but if there's one message I could convey to you in this jumble of letters and punctuation marks, it would be this: Thank you.

I never realized how beautiful and short life is. Every second counts. I think I see that now. Running around trying to be a superhero, trying to right every wrong, trying to prevent anything from screwing up; that only kills me and solves nothing. The best I can do is just be true to myself and take the good with the bad. That's life.

Life is a beautiful thing. Absit invidia, absit damnum. I refuse to hate. I refuse to let bitterness destroy me. It took everything I loved from me once. I won't let it do that again.

When I embrace it all, the good and the bad, I grow. I change. I allow myself to learn and mature. I can see my mistakes, admit them, and benefit from them. You are not worth hating. Without you, there wouldn't be a me. We need each other to survive. Life is grey without the rich experiences you offer.

I never said thank you for that.

It's been awhile 1:52 PM

Miss me?

I guess I forgot to post an explanation. See, I gave up blogging. Yeah. I didn't want to have to post an "oh-I'm-so-sorry-thanks-for-your-love-and-support" post detailing my reason for quitting blogging. But the good news is, I'm back. For real. Hopefully.

A lot has happened in this two month period; but one change that probably stands out the most is my decision to leave Canada. I like it here, it's not an altogether bad place to be, but it just isn't for me. Unless I get a major recall from the Lord, I plan to be elsewhere by the end of the year.

I plan to have more to say within the following days. Until then, I'm so sorry, and thanks for your love and support.

Ahh...Thit. 9:30 PM

Looking at my stats page is depressing. I just realized something: I wants those hits back.

Perhaps this is a slow death 12:00 AM

But I'm hoping it isn't. I've lost the joy of blogging; it's hard for me to write anything at all now, I seem to be so occupied with other things. I've even seriously considered closing this blog down, but in the end decided against it since it could be useful in the future. The near future. Maybe.

I'm just hoping and waiting for the hint of a spark.

Closure 12:18 AM

What I've done. What I've become. What I will be. The future is very uncertain. I can remember days of triumph, days of honesty, days when I wasn't afraid to live, to be. Those days were just a nice memory. Now I'm making them a reality.

Falling is a peculiar thing. I thrill to the rush of wind under me, the almost weightless feeling that envelops me once my foothold has slipped over the edge. Nothing is going to catch me down there. But for now, I can fly.

Telling you that it's over was one of the best things I ever did. I marched forward, and never looked back. I found myself again. I view my reflection with steadfast gaze; I'm not ashamed anymore. If you walk fast enough, you can leave the clouds behind.

I'm not just talking. I'm not just dreaming. I'm doing. Let the past bury itself. Give me an open road, I'm ready to walk it. If my dream crumbles under its own weight, I won't go down with it. I'll find a new one.

Be careful when you strike me down. Count your blows, and deliver them well. I only have two cheeks. After that, I can't promise you quarter.

Truth has found me, as it always does. I no longer run from it, fearing it would tear me apart with cold, unfeeling hands. I accept its facts, and allow it to walk with me. It destroys the lies that left a bitter taste in my mouth; it lets me see right through you. I won't lie to you. You can't hide. I'll speak, and you'll hear.

I got my life back.