All that remains 2:38 AM

I don't like this feeling. What is it? Regret, perhaps? It's a ghost limb feeling; there's no warmth where you once lay.

I can't bring myself to believe that I want, I need to have you here. Right next to me. But I'll roll over and leave a space of the bed empty, because I'm going to sleep tonight. Without you.

I Thought It Over 12:13 AM

When you peered
into me,
you sneered
at what
you saw.
Now
I need
a new place to hide.
There's nowhere for you
in the only
bruised but alive
corner
of a heart
that slowly
dies.


I guess disappointment is all I'll ever find in you. Still, I keep hoping.

Another One 11:34 PM

Hey, Happy New Year. Yeah, I know it's late, but it never really feels like a new year until a week after, at least for me.

I hope you're all enjoying it.

I got a Twitter; never really liked those but figured it was a way to keep people updated in between my bi-weekly posts. Blogging is a chore now. Ah, damn. I've been feeling like crap lately. I think I've hit a low in my life and I feel like I'm not accomplishing much. It's hard to smile and act like nothing's wrong, but when I let it show I just get people asking me if I'm angry. Ha, I don't blame them. I just wish I was around people I know, people who understand me when stuff like this goes down.

That's all folks.

They say that truth hurts 12:53 AM

New Year's is coming up. I won't post my resolutions this year; I got a personal list with goals broken down into small, doable steps. If I had done that with last year's list, I might be looking at some real progress today.

I've come to realize that a reasonable amount of cynicism coats my thinking and speech. I think it's a byproduct of my over-idealistic days, back when I thought people I loved and respected were perfect and love was something that came without mistakes and heartbreak. It's something that causes internal struggle at times.

Looking back at my attitudes and mentalities over the past years, or even last year, makes my current outlook feel a little colder and cynical. Is this growing up? I know I've had to give up some naive views on life, but where's the line? It makes me feel a little wiser, better now that I let go of that view that made me stupid and susceptible to pain and failure, but am I really better off? Does it make me happier?

I think cynicism just shows our inherent need for those idealistic concepts we ridicule. Sure, reality isn't that rosy, but I don't want to give up dreaming just because it all goes away when I wake.

Merry Christmas! 6:02 PM

My best regards and well wishes to all of you! Party hard, have fun, and take time to enjoy this season. Merry Christmas!

(This post is sadly lacking one of those pictures in which I wear a really contrived smile; reason being that it's the tenth photo and the photographer still isn't happy with the shot. I will try to produce one soon, and post it here in place of this explanation which does nothing more than express my distaste of having to pose for Christmas pictures.)

Congratulations, Chris and Stephanie! 1:43 PM

I want to give a special shout out to my homeboy Chris and his lovely bride-to-be, Stephanie, for their plans to tie the proverbial knot! Congratulations, guys! All the best to you; may you live happily together and make lots of crazy little Irish kids with all the charm of Chris and the beauty of Te-te (Chris would contest that it's vice versa, heh).




(Happy Belated Birthday, Chris! Down a few margaritas for me, will ya?)

Creation To Chaos 10:53 AM

Head over here to check out the latest by Spirit Tree. (Joe, it seems you missed this release and Naked's Drugstore, another album to check out.)

I would recommend track 12, All This (Acoustic). It hooked me immediately, and hasn't let go even after six listens. I guess I'm a sucker for acoustic songs that pack an emotional punch. This song bleeds sincere desperation.

It falls away
It falls like rain
Like water through my hands

Today it's italics