Scars 1:29 AM

Shhh
Don't lose your grip
On what we believe is
Reality
A cold hard floor
Glass in hand
Nose deep
In my own stench
Up to my chin
In unshakable guilt
Too choked to scream
Released from their cage
Every foul feeling
Surged in triumph
They coursed in glee
Through a powerless being
I reached for perfection
It brought me here
I reached for a star
It fell to earth
Pinning me
So whisper
If you pass me by
You are climbing
I'm still right here
If you linger
Touch my cheek
Let my scars
Heal you
Light a candle
But don't stay
I'm no hero
You are beautiful
In a beautiful world
Never lose
That innocent wonder
Crimson roses bloom
In drinking bittersweet tears
Shed by dismal clouds

¿Quiero cafe con leche? 6:21 PM

I'm having a good time here in Costa Rica, that, and it rains too much. I've got pictures, but I can't upload them here. I'm convinced that this computer has just wiped my flash drive. Internet cafes and their ancient desktops. It's hard to explain my frustration.

Costa Rica is lovely (yes, darlings), and yet strangely enough I miss the snow and feel of good ol' Canada. Gosh, I've been in Canada for too long...

I'm considering getting a tatoo while I'm here. Nothing too big or daring, we'll see.

Mas Tequila, por favor!

My Summer in November 2:43 AM

I'll be visiting my family in Costa Rica for a few weeks; I want to say that I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates. If my blog is supposed to reflect my life, I guess you could say that my life is a little like this blog: dry.

Change isn't a one time thing. I'm praying for some direction. Hopefully this breather will give me a chance to put things back into perspective, and then I'll launch out from there. Support in the form of prayers is, as always, deeply appreciated.

Thank you and goodnight.

Helpless 1:35 AM

I see you standing there
You look so alone
Surrounded by well-meaning victims
Of the life they live for you
How long have you worn that smile?

Imprisoned little tear
Held down with spells of laughter
Silently screaming for release
But who would listen
Who would care?

Our good days are gone
We outran the sun
Take my hand
But just to say goodbye
It's all downhill from here

I'm not going to say
I should have held on a little longer
It takes a stronger man
So take my photo off the wall
I wanted better for you

It happens every night 1:29 AM

He awakens with a start. His eyes dart around cautiously; quickly he throws his hands under his blanket, his limbs becoming tangled in a mess of writhing sheets. "It's gone..." he stammers in confusion while wrestling with the bedsheets, searching for whatever-IT-is.

Clearly my sleep will be disturbed tonight.

No Longer Running 11:43 PM

All these words don't mean a thing to you, but if there's one message I could convey to you in this jumble of letters and punctuation marks, it would be this: Thank you.

I never realized how beautiful and short life is. Every second counts. I think I see that now. Running around trying to be a superhero, trying to right every wrong, trying to prevent anything from screwing up; that only kills me and solves nothing. The best I can do is just be true to myself and take the good with the bad. That's life.

Life is a beautiful thing. Absit invidia, absit damnum. I refuse to hate. I refuse to let bitterness destroy me. It took everything I loved from me once. I won't let it do that again.

When I embrace it all, the good and the bad, I grow. I change. I allow myself to learn and mature. I can see my mistakes, admit them, and benefit from them. You are not worth hating. Without you, there wouldn't be a me. We need each other to survive. Life is grey without the rich experiences you offer.

I never said thank you for that.

It's been awhile 1:52 PM

Miss me?

I guess I forgot to post an explanation. See, I gave up blogging. Yeah. I didn't want to have to post an "oh-I'm-so-sorry-thanks-for-your-love-and-support" post detailing my reason for quitting blogging. But the good news is, I'm back. For real. Hopefully.

A lot has happened in this two month period; but one change that probably stands out the most is my decision to leave Canada. I like it here, it's not an altogether bad place to be, but it just isn't for me. Unless I get a major recall from the Lord, I plan to be elsewhere by the end of the year.

I plan to have more to say within the following days. Until then, I'm so sorry, and thanks for your love and support.